Forgiveness is a big topic for most people. I can understand why. It’s probably the most important lesson of life, and we all get plenty of opportunities to practice. I also think we all struggle with forgiveness, probably because it’s a topic that was forgotten about in our elementary school years – plenty of math, history, science… but no forgiveness homework!
I’ve actually studied forgiveness in a variety of ways – with a Buddhist monk (super nice guy) and some other religious or spiritual people, through books (Marianne Williamson is a favorite), and programs (Colin Tipping’s Radical Forgiveness made a ton of sense to me although it certainly is radical), and in my own little world (or living room) where I journaled, prayed, and meditated about forgiveness.
Throughout those years, even with all that studying, there was one person who I avoided forgiving.
In fact, you need to forgive this person, too. We all do.
A lot of people overlook this person, though. In fact, when I ask ‘Who do you need to forgive?’, I hear all sorts of names, but rarely this one.
{Want to know who this is?!}
It’s YOU. Everyone – including you – needs to forgive self.
Yep, that’s right, you need to forgive yourSELF.
When I was learning about forgiveness and making a list of who to forgive – seriously, I did make a list – I didn’t add ‘Shannon’ to my list very quickly… perhaps if I did think of myself, I shoved it away because that felt even scarier. Scarier than forgiving the fourth grade teacher who humiliated me, scarier than the man who raped me when I was 18, scarier than my ex-husband for the ways I felt he hurt our marriage.
I had to forgive me? Yes, I had to forgive ME – for all the ways I humiliated myself, for all the ways I allowed others to take advantage of me, for the ways I’d hurt my marriage.
That was scary, but man… that was freeing.
This was some of the most powerful forgiveness work I ever did. I had no idea how much pain I was holding onto – decisions I regretted making, people I’d hurt that I felt such shame over, things I did that carried guilt. It was tough to even think about these things, let alone really think about them – in a way that would allow me to forgive myself.
It was tricky work for a few reasons. 1) It’s tricky because it’s all about you – there’s no one else to communicate with. It’s a dialogue and process within self. 2) It’s tricky because you have to look at a whole lot of crap about yourself and your life. 3) It’s EXTRA tricky because you have to own a lot of stuff from your past – ways in which you caused pain or contributed to the pain or hurt only You.
I have to tell you though, this work was so freeing. Just like when you forgive someone else, and you simply feeeeeel that the forgiveness is done – it’s the same. The self-loathing is gone – seemingly in a moment, a flash, a sudden burst of minty-like freshness where you’re free from the guilt, shame, regret, and self-hatred.
O.M.G. that is an amazing feeling.
It’s one thing I teach in my Forgiveness Challenge, so if you’ve not yet done the challenge… sign up! It’s free, and it’s a darn good way to learn how to forgive others and yourSELF.
And, quite frankly, my friend, YOU deserve that forgiveness :)
You’ve got nothing to lose except shame, guilt and regret… so what on Earth are you waiting for?!!? Join THE FORGIVENESS CHALLENGE – YOU will thank YOU!
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[ctt template=”2″ link=”I_dND” via=”no” ]With self-forgiveness you have nothing to lose except shame, guilt & regret @shannonelhart #forgiveness #self-forgiveness #innerpeace[/ctt]