Why forgiveness comes last when healing emotional pain

I love love love when people talk to me about wanting to forgive someone – whether they want to forgive self or someone else, forgiveness is key to a happier life, and I am more than happy to teach them how.  Typically they want to jump right to the part of saying, “I forgive you,” so then I have to explain why forgiveness comes last when healing emotional pain

Quite simply – it just doesn’t work that way.

I can understand why people want to reach that point.  I think it’s because those words ‘I forgive you’ are the end point.  They mean it’s all over.  The pain is gone.  The memory can be wiped clean.  They can be free.

It’s true that forgiveness ends the pain and sets you free, but it is not the first step.

When you jump to forgiveness – like ripping off a bandaid before the cut is healed – you’re not getting to the most important part of forgiveness – healing.

There are five steps prior to forgiveness that I teach in my program The Healing Journey.  It begins with exploring the pain – something you’ve probably been taught not to do.  Instead maybe it was modeled to stuff the pain inside, get drunk, work a lot, have sex… anything to deny and ignore it.  

After all, why explore pain when pain hurts?  Why torture yourself?

The reason why forgiveness can’t come first is that in order for it to be sincere and truly healing for you – there are steps to be taken beforehand.  Steps that prepare you for the day you can say, “I forgive you.”

It helps to look at it as a big goal – perhaps running a 5K.  You can jump to running that far right away.  There is preparing to do.  You have to get your lungs and muscles ready, you need good running shoes. you probably even have to pump yourself up.

It’s the same with forgiveness.  There is prep work to do, tools to use, and the right mindset is vital.

The coolest part is that once you’re prepared, forgiveness comes easily.  Then you are truly free from the pain and the past!

Forgiveness is a speciality of mine.  I’ve studied it, done a lot of it (forgiving my self and others, and even asking for others to forgive me), and now it’s the culmination of my virtual program, The Healing Journey [THJ].  THJ is a program you do in the privacy of your home – it’s a safe, private, empowering community where you heal at your own pace… with me there to support you.

Learn more about The Healing Journey by going here or schedule a free consultation call with me to discuss the pain you want to heal.  To do so, go here or tap on the image below.

Love & Peace
Shannon

Next week I’ll be writing about my personal journey to heal from addiction to alcohol and shame.